Why new moms feel anxious or moody or powerless, Reclaim your Power as a New Mom

“The moment a child is born, the mom is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” As Osho rightly said being a mother is a completely new experience for a woman. She gets borne as a mother the moment she gives birth to the child. It’s an intriguing powerful thought.

But how many moms out there feel powerful or empowered post-pregnancy? or did you even give a thought that as a new mom how you can make yourself more confident and strong rather than feeling vulnerable to a surge of emotions, body image challenges or feeling overwhelmed all the time…

Wondering how to reclaim your power post-pregnancy? We have got you covered.

Now to find a solution we must first understand the problem. As Einstein says

So going back to the question of why new moms feel anxious or moody or powerless?

Expectations Vs. Reality:

This one is important. Most women are not sure why they want the baby in the first place. Sometimes it’s family pressure, peer pressure or it’s the right age to have babies. sometimes because it’s the family structure they want to bring in or other times women get pregnant to fill that void – Bringing a new life might help to overcome the feeling of loneliness! And when babies come into the picture, they bring numerous unexpected responsibilities, and not being mentally prepared or not knowing how to deal with them makes new mom overwhelmed and powerless.

Break-in your Career

The fertility peak within women happens exactly at the same time when they are in the peak period of their career. Having a baby means to let go of that career many times causing a feeling of loss of independence, sometimes regret otherwise guilt for not being able to pay attention to the baby. Certain cultural norms also affect the reputation of women – if you are ambitious women then you are subjected to judgments & perceptions. And if there is no support offered from family members then the journey becomes quite daunting.

Trauma during Pregnancy

During pregnancy, the body goes through a lot of changes- physical, emotional, spiritual, hormonal. Miscarriages, complications, or delivering babies can be traumatic experiences for women. The loss, the grief, and the pain can be beyond measurable and sometimes it does take time to heal. The intimacy between partners can also be greatly affected by this.

Good Mom Bad Mom Dilemma

A lot of women are under the stress of proving themselves to be good moms. If I did this correctly then I am a good mom, if I am not able to perform duties of motherhood then I am a bad mom. There is a constant stretch between performing different roles in her hat- a mother, a daughter, daughter-in-law, career-oriented woman, a good house maker, and so on… Sometimes it’s not even the other people but women themselves are constantly picking up on themselves.

Am I looking to fat after pregnancy… I am not able to be a good mom…. my stretch marks are too much… I can’t go out with friends anymore … my baby is constantly crying….. We are often our own toughest critics and see the imperfections in ourselves that others don’t. If not handled carefully, Criticism becomes ranting, and then slowly it becomes a habit.

The first step to reclaim power is to Be conscious of your outer and inner world.

Remaining unconscious about innate needs takes an enormous emotional and physical toll on moms. Not acknowledging needs for rest, intimacy, touch, good nutrition, acknowledgement…. and so on… and not knowing how to get these need met directly prevents most moms from being connected with their inner wisdom and guidance.

The first step to reclaim power is to Be conscious of your outer and inner world.

Power of Naming:

Every first step towards positive change in your life begins with consciously naming the experience that you are feeling. Unless you understand what is it that you need to resolve it cannot be sorted out. And trust me, women are intelligent enough to understand what is happening with them. Even when we pretend that I don’t know what’s happening to me… Deep down you know the reason, it’s more about facing it head-on.

Let’s discuss certain experiences that you might be going through:

• Dial into negativism – I do not have the right support, my life is falling apart, all things happen to me
• Disapproving your needs – No, I am fine. I do not need rest. Ignoring your health.
• Defensiveness – Getting emotional each time when someone is giving feedback or helping you out. Not being able to accept positive adjustments. e.g. Who are you to tell me that I am getting angry all the time. Do you know how much pain I am going through?
• External emotional dependency – Feeling that something or someone out there will take care of your internal emotional circuit. ( looking for financial /emotional security)
• Over analyzing – Over exaggerating things and situations.
• Option A/B dilemma – This or that kind of nature not realizing there could be option C.

These are some of the examples that can help you identify some of the traits you might fall under. Even being aware of the feelings that you are going through can help you a lot to deal with them. Your thoughts and emotions are mediated via the immune, endocrine, and nervous system. They are biochemical events. Your feelings are facts. Pay attention to them.

Now there are 100’s of things that you can actually do to empower yourself but the simplest way is to start loving yourself the way you are and improve in the areas not because someone else wants it but because you want to change for the better, for yourself.

5 Tips to Help you out on your self-love journey

Here are five tips that can help you on your self-love journey and regaining your faith and strength in who you are…

1. Mirror experiment: Every time you look in the mirror smile at yourself and tell that you love yourself.
2. Practise a positive affirmation: Create a few powerful affirmations that will provide you as an atoner in your new motherhood journey. I am a confident mother. I am powerful. I easily understand the needs of my baby…
3. Replacing Negative into loving thoughts: Over time you caught yourself in negative thoughts, replace one negative thought with two loving thoughts. For example, I don’t like my body_ I respect my body as it allows me to experience this world beautifully. I love my body as it’s my true home.
4. Own the compliments: Approve yourself of worthy comments. When someone compliments own it!
5. Practice Deep breathing _ Inhale and exhale and be aware of this true new event that has happened in your life. Take a moment to cherish and adore the experience you are going through.